These are real words!
CLINCHPOOPER: Someone who is a complete slob.
WISTERPOOPER: A slap along side the head.
THENAN: The palm of the hand.
So...If your kid is a CLINCHPOOPER, you should WISTERPOOPER them with your THENAN! LOL!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
New DefinitionsAtom Bomb :An invention to end all inventions.Boss :Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.Cigarette :A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.Classic :A book which people praise, but do not read.Committee :Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.Compromise :The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.Conference :The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.Conference Room :A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.Criminal :A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.Dictionary :A place where success comes before work.Diplomat :A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.Divorce :Future tense of marriage.Doctor :A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.Etc. :A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.Experience :The name men give to their mistakes.Father:A banker provided by nature.Lecture :An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"Miser :A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.Office :A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.Opportunist :A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.Optimist :A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."Philosopher :A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.Politician :One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.Smile :A curve that can set a lot of things straight.Tears :The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...Yawn :The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your carapproaches.DIVORCE -- postgraduate in School of Love.PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what`s happened.SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with water in it.SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she`d look fat in mink.CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed.EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are.FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn`t a western.OPTIMIST -- girl who regards a bulge as a curve.MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what`s coming in the next issue.COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to thetelephone.EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver.OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Learn a new word each day:Arbitrator ar`-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby`s to work at McDonald`s.Avoidable uh-voy`-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do.Baloney buh-lo`-nee: Where some hemlines fall.Bernadette burn`-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage.Burglarize bur`-gler-ize: What a crook sees with.Control kon-trol`: A short, ugly inmate.Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.Eclipse i-klips`: what an English barber does for a living.Eyedropper i`-drop-ur: a clumsy ophthalmologist.Heroes hee`-rhos: what a guy in a boat does.Left Bank left` bangk`: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.Misty mis`-tee: How golfers create divots.Paradox par`-u-doks: two physicians.Parasites par`-uh-sites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.Pharmacist farm`-uh-sist: a helper on the farm.Polarize po`-lur-ize: what penguins see with.Primate pri`-mat: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.Relief ree-leef`: what trees do in the spring.Rubberneck rub`-er-nek: what you do to relax your wife.Seamstress seem`-stres: describes 200 pounds in a size two.Selfish sel`-fish: what the owner of a seafood store does.Subdued sub-dood`: a guy, that works on one of those submarines.Sudafed sood`-a-fed: bringing litigation against a government official.
10 Words That Don`t Exist, But Should
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks`trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.2. CARPERPETUATION (kar`pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt`) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow `remove` all the germs.4. ELBONICS (el bon`iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak` to man gyu lay` shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal` side.7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay`) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.8.PHONESIA (fo nee` zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.9. PUPKUS (pup`kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay` shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you`re only six inches away.
From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason.The best submissions:SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there`s the hot air part.SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.MAGIC 8 BALL: Male, because it gives monosyllabic answers that usuallyindicate it did not pay attention to your question.WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.HAMMER: Male, because it hasn`t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it`s handy to have around.SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.REMOTE CONTROL: Female...Ha!...you thought I`d say male. But consider, it gives a man pleasure, he`d be lost without it, and while he doesn`t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.CRITIC: Female, What, this needs to be explained?